Executive Defense Technology, LLC

Today, Norm Goldman Publisher & Editor of Bookpleasures.com is pleased to have as our guest, Kimberly Cheryl author of Shattered Reality.

Kimberly is the founder and managing partner of Executive Defense Technology, LLC, an anti-victimization education firm. As a speaker, author, consultant and certified RAD (Rape/Aggression/Defense) instructor, she helps her clients optimize their personal safety.

Good day Kimberly and thanks for participating in our interview.

Norm:

Why do you feel that it was necessary for you to write Shattered Reality and for all of us to read at this time? How did you decide you were ready to write the book?

Kimberly: I believe that we need to wake up to the epidemic of child sexual assault that plagues our society and has for years. As a parent with a teen-aged daughter dealing with her abuse, I thought like most people- you commit a crime, you hurt a child- you must go to jail. Unfortunately, that is not the case, nor the norm.

During our struggles with the very legal system that was to protect my child and take a child molester off the streets, we found that, on average, only 1 in 16 perpetrators are ever prosecuted because these cases are seen as a "he said/ she said" and as adults we believe the perpetrators rather than the victims. As parents, most of us are horrified at the idea that our children might be victims of sexual abuse. But at the same time, the silence that surrounds sex creates a fertile environment for the very threat we fear. No young person is safe as long as we all cooperate in maintaining the silence.

Much of our focus as parents in keeping our children safe from sexual abuse is aimed at teaching them to avoid strangers: don't talk to them, ride with them, take gifts from them, etc. Horrible cases like the 1994 murder of 12-year-old Polly Klaas in Petaluma, California, focus national attention on the danger from strangers bent on abusing children.

There's a growing outcry about releasing repeat sex offenders from jail back into unsuspecting communities. The risks inherent in these circumstances are every parent's nightmare. And the risks are real; criminals who commit sex-related crimes are among the most likely to be repeat offenders. Yet, these are not the majority of child sexual assault cases. Unfortunately, 90% of case occur where a child should feel the safest- in their homes by people that they know, love, and trust to keep them safe from harm. Because of the relationships involved, many children do not report their abuse.

While it may be impossible for a parent to predict which adults might be capable of this kind of behavior, we can educate our children on appropriate touch and telling when something isn't "right".

Sadly, the child is not the only one in the family who is confused and engaging in desperate ways to cope with the incest. Perpetrators often engage in some heavy rationalization, denial and avoidance of facing the reality of the situation..

But everyone in the family plays a role in keeping the abuse hidden. All too often, if a child does get up the nerve to confide in an adult, they are not believed. Even if they tell of the abuse later when they become an adult, other family members are likely to deny that the abuse could have happened. And if family members do acknowledge the truth of the abuse, they still put enormous pressure on the person who was abused to "keep the secret" and not embarrass the perpetrator or the family as a whole by letting others know.

Perhaps this is the harshest blow of all- when the whole family colludes to either deny what's happening or to deny its impact. Families need to see that the essence of a family is rooted not in what problems they face- but in how they deal with them. Too often they have been more concerned about protecting the family "image" than in supporting the recovery of the abused child.

Fortunately, there's a growing recognition of the need for the kind of honesty that releases children from their private prison of silence and honors their experience- which begins with a willingness to end the pattern of "protecting" the perpetrator.

It was a result of my frustration with our current legal system, lack of enforcement and lack of direct resources available for victims and their family members that I decided to write my book, become a speaker for RAINN and an advocate for change.

FOR THE FULL INTERVIEW, CLICK HERE

Check out My Interview on the Inspirational book 'Shattered Reality'

at the Survivor Radio Cafe 8/20/08

A book every Parent needs to read if they want to protect, understand and learn how to understand, communicate and cope in the aftermath of the victimization of their child. My name is Kimberly Cheryl and I will be interviewed by Haullie Free and Ginger Gillenwater, Hosts of the Survivor Radio Cafe.

TUNE IN: Saturday, September 20th, 2008

LISTEN TO THE BROADCAST HERE: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/survivorradiocafe/2008/09/20/Interview-with-Shattered-Reality-Author-Kimberly-Cheryl

SURVIVOR RADIO CAFE: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/survivorradiocafe

I have never had the experience to just sit down and really talk fully in depth with a secondary survivor before, expecially one of child sexual abuse, a mother of all people, so it took me to all sorts of places. I was in the shoes of another person rather than in the shoes of the victim if that makes any sense for a change. Asking the questions was even strange for me but the educational aspect was so rewarding because I found myself comparing how parents do things right verses the way most parents do the wrong thing when confronted with child sexual abuse, namely dis-believing their child. So I found the interview to be rather intreguing, it was so inspiring to talk to her one on one. I will never forget it! I'm so sorry Ginger was not there as she was sick with a sore throat. She should be feeling better next week though. Hugs!

Love, Haullie

Hi Haullie,

I listened to the interview yesterday while working on cards. Wow, it was such a compelling story and Kimberly was very interesting to listen to. Thanks for doing this show, it really made me wonder why is this man not behind bars? What happened at trial, why was he not convicted? When is the world going to wake up and realize most molesters seem like "nice guys". They have to, that way they can manipulate and fool everyone from child victims to judges and juries. I'm glad Kimberly wrote this book and it is so good that your show is offering a place to reach out to others to share her daughter's and her own story.  Thanks for doing a great interview, Haullie
Vicky

I was only able to tune in for half of the show because of a prior commitment but what I heard was amazing. I can't wait to read Kimberly's book. I think having her on the show was a great idea because like you said Haullie it allows you to see thing's from a secondary survivors point of view. I can't wait to hear the rest of the show. Hopefully I will have some alone time tonight so I can do that. Thanks for a great show Haullie............ Ginger sorry to hear that you were not feeling well (((hugs)))
Rae