He is a master manipulator, our perpetrator, our destroyer of dreams, the one who Shattered our Reality….As a parent, dealing with my daughter's pain, the hardest part is trying to keep all the pieces of my life from spinning out of control. It's like my life is broken into pieces like a jigsaw puzzle and when I get some of the pieces put together and try to reach for more pieces the first set flies in the opposite direction….I feel like everything is in a state of brokenness… Everyone is Talking About "Shattered Reality"...Don't Miss Your Chance
As I kept reading, I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn't MY
story but it was so close to home. The raw emotions...the hurt, anger
and betrayal. Thank you Kim for taking the time to bare your soul to
all of us. I of course am going to have any one I can read this
book...so informative. Child Sexual Abuse is such a deep and dark
secret. It's time to let the secret out. It's time to tell. Kim helps
give parents and anyone else that reads this book the tools to help
children tell. And a little bit of "you are not alone". Because this
path is so lonely for parents...so lonely...much love Kim, thank you,
hugs and prayers!!!!
Please Leave Your Reviews on Amazon.com - I'd Love to Hear from YOU
Should be required reading..., September 22, 2008
"Debra Gaynor"
Kimberly Cheryl
ISBN: 9781440404597
Fresh Perspectives, LLC, 2008
5 Stars
Should be required reading...
I sat down to read Shattered Realit,y expecting to read it in one
sitting. I had to lay it down several times, do something, anything; I
had to move. After a deep breath, I again returned to read "Shattered
Reality." This book brought me anger, frustration, and sadness. Kimberly
Cheryl is a courageous mother. Rather than sweeping this under the rug,
she has become an advocate for her daughter and for other victims.
Despite a few proofreading errors, I am giving this book 5 stars. I am
begging and pleading for the world to read this book. Ms. Cheryl, it is
my prayer that your family heals. I pray that this monster is taken off
the street, so that he cannot harm anyone else. Parents, grandparents,
teachers, law officers, everyone should be required to read this book.
While it is probably true that that Shattered Reality would not have existed
had the author's daughter not been the subject of such an appalling crime, it
is irrefutable that we are all much richer for it. Moreover, while readers may
find the narrative alarming it is at the same time very helpful.
Child sexual abuse
is a form of child abuse in which a child is abused for the sexual
gratification of an adult or older adolescent. After being sexually abused, the
unfortunate victim may suffer and experience a multitude of consequences
resulting of this hideous act such as depression, post-traumatic stress
disorder, anxiety, tendency to re-victimization in adulthood, and countless
more.
What I found mind
boggling, when I did a little research, was that according to recent statistics
it is estimated that 20% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually
abused when they were children. And these are the ones we know about or have
been reported.
Most disturbing,
and as frequently demonstrated, most of these sexual offenders are generally
familiar with their prey and there is a wide array of perpetrators from
neighbours, babysitters, family friends, to relatives as fathers, grandparents,
uncles, cousins, etc. Another painful facet of this repugnant crime is that men
perpetrate most child molestation although this is not to say that women do not
commit abuse against young boys, however, percentage wise, there exists a
considerable gap between the two sexes. Many of these devious criminals are
everyday individuals who are difficult to recognize, as they are often very
intelligent and cunning.
All of this
brings us to Kimberly Cheryl's Shattered Reality
that recounts the story of how her thirteen-year old daughter Tivona was the
victim of sexual molestation committed by her seventy-seven year old grand-uncle.
And what is most shocking and repulsive is that the crime had been continuously
committed over a period of three years since Tivona was ten years old.
Appalling is the fact that the perpetrator succeeded in "grooming" his
grand-niece to believe that it was their little secret and if she did tell
anyone, no one would believe her. Furthermore, her parents wouldn't love her
and her family would fall apart because of her
We also discover
that this apparently "nice and respected uncle" had a history of molesting
children as far back as fifty years when he was twenty-four-a family secret
that was kept under wraps and swept under the rug.
There is nothing
worse than having to sit beside a child in pain and being unable to do little
to help. Moreover, apart from the physical and psychological damage that is
suffered, we also have, as pointed out in Shattered Reality,
the inadequacies of our justice system that moves at a very slow pace, and
furthermore it is a crime that no one is too eager to discuss. As the author
states, "our justice system is failing us all. The system has a habit of
dumping rape and child molestation cases." Did you know that a very high
percentage of rapists and child molesters walk the streets free while their
victims have little choice than to pursue the perpetrators within the civil law
system asking for compensation based on damages?
Offering
interesting and informative insights, Shattered Reality
is a practical guide and introduction into a crime that is a reminder of
another repugnant peril at our doorstep that must be openly addressed. Kimberly
Cheryl has a good grasp of the complexities of this subject and I fully concur
with her that with low conviction rates, there is hardly any deterrence to stop
this hideous crime. Consequently, it is crucial that we talk about it in order
to protect our children and we must as much as possible educate ourselves as
well as our children.
To help us, Shattered Reality includes a very
helpful chapter that outlines the importance of early education and
intervention. The book also includes a child sexual abuse fact sheet for
parents, teachers, and other caregivers that have been developed by the
National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). The fact sheet discusses child
sexual abuse myths and facts, what can you do if your child discloses that she
has been sexually abused, what is child sexual abuse and who is sexually abused
and why don't children tell about sexual abuse. In addition, there is an
extensive list of resources that are listed with their online addresses.
Norm Goldman at Bookpleasures.com
SHATTERED REALITY
REVIEWS
(Please
take a moment to visit all of the wonderful resources here - they need your
support)
A letter from a dear friend of mine - what a unique way to use our story...I hope it has a lasting impression: "
Kim, I loaned my copy to a friend at the
local Community Mental Health facility and asked him to review it. He is
a therapist who treats the "perpetrators" and runs a group for sexual
offenders. He really like the book, thought it was well written and
accurately reflects the damage done by the offenders. He told me that he
even used several sections in his group to stress the impact of their
actions...." - THANK YOU.
"Kimberly illustrates that love is always the
most powerful medicine...You & your husband did something right in raising
her to be so brave and to have the fortitude to survive. She is a person, even
at so young an age, to be admired and cherished. Count me in as a member of her
team. It breaks my heart to think of what she endured and how her first concern
was to protect you. There's so much more to reveal and we must help each other
to help protect the children. I am always foremost and finally For The
Children." - Edward Blackoff - Director - Shazzam Films /
Incest: A Family Tragedy
"I read her book today and I must say it was
soul riveting. I highly suggest this book for any Mother of a child who has
been sexually abused. I suggest it for Mother's who's children have never
been sexually abused because of it's awareness benefits. More needs to be done
to change the laws in this country. Children deserve the right protection
they deserve and this woman is a testament to doing the right thing for her
child. An example of hope for all children suffering in this world. I plan on
having her on the Survivor Radio Cafe this month, I think her book needs to
be discussed. Her daughter and her are both survivors of this very horribly
hidden crime that needs to be more out in the open so that more can be done.
They are both inspirations." - Haullie / Voices of Hope:
Breaking the Silence One Voice at a time / Survivor Radio Cafe /
Healing Through
Creativity
"Thank you so much for sharing your story! I
appreciate your strength and your bravery, and especially your
daughter's. For survivors everywhere: thank you for speaking out and
making a difference. You are helping more people than you know." -
Namid RapeHelp.org
An amazing story of hope and courage, September 5, 2008
Shattered Reality is an amazing story of hope and
courage. Anyone who has had to deal with child sexual abuse or works with
kids and therefore may have to deal with it (parents, teachers, counselors,
coaches, etc.) should read it.
Kimberly Elliott's voice will resonate with anyone who has
ever loved a child. Shattered Reality tells the story of a mother's pain
in words that will break your heart -- and then inspire you to take a
stand. Child sex abuse is a worldwide epidemic - but it isn't easy to
talk about. Shattered Reality will
open your heart and empower you to open your mouth so that more children will
be protected. If you care about kids -- read this book!
"In Shattered
Reality, Cheryl writes eloquently and compassionately about the real
dangers facing children. She bursts common myths like the belief that strangers
inflict more injuries on children than the ones who know and love them. Cheryl
delivers her message through an emotionally resonant real life story. Dynamic,
inspiring and practical...and an entertaining and gripping read. This is a must
read for every parent or anyone who cares for kids." -- Retired
FBI Behavior Scientist Terry Coff
"Superb Writing. Your daughter's
story is powerful and profoundly sad. It is also tragically not an
uncommon story. People need to know about this problem. That is the
first step toward prevention. Kimberly's story and style of writing will surely
grab a large readership. It demonstrates the enormous resourcefulness and
resilience of the human spirit"- Carol North, MD MPE; The Nancy
and Ray L. Hunt Chair in Crisis Psychiatry Director-Program in Trauma and
Disaster, Dallas VAMC; Professor
of Psychiatry , UT Southwestern Medical Center Department of Psychiatry;
PTSD Specialist
"Shattered Reality works! First, as a riveting non-fiction
novel about a mother's struggle for justice. Second, as an informal book
on what you can expect if your child reveals they have been sexually
assaulted. You will be helped and you will be touched by this amazing story's
heart-line" - CA Redding ACE (Adverse Childhood
Experiences) Study Health Presentations
"This book
provides great solace for anyone who has ever been through the pain of watching
someone they love struggle to recover from a sexual assault, and provides a
wake-up for the need for a comprehensive, coordinated approach to child abuse
and sexual assault prevention." - Paul A. Schewe, Ph.D., Director , UIC's Interdisciplinary
Center for Research on Violence University of Illinois at Chicago Criminology,
Law, and Justice
"There's nothing like a real-life story
by someone who's been there, done that. This is a gripping true story
that will make you cry and laugh!" - Jane Fonda, Actor
"My heart goes out to you and your family. I want
to say "thank you" to you and to your daughter for being so strong and for
sharing your personal story. It is an invaluable resource that will help
many people." - Theresa Barker - R.A.D. (Rape/Aggression/Defense )
Kimberly describes the extremes that a parent must go through to help
her child find justice against a child predator and family member. She
chooses the more difficult path of staying the course, a much tougher
existence than just walking away and "sweeping the issue under the
rug", and moves us to a world of insight. Well written and very moving!
I read her book today and I must say it was soul riveting. I highly
suggest this book for any Mother of a child who has been sexually
abused. I suggest it for Mother's who's children have never been
sexually abused because of it's awareness benefits. More needs to be
done to change the laws in this country. Children deserve the right
protection they deserve and this woman is a testament to doing the
right thing for her child. An example of hope for all children
suffering in this world.
....A Must Read....
"Kimberly Cheryl has written a psychologically savvy memoir.
Readers will empathize with Kimberly and be motivated to help make a difference
in the life of a child who's been abused. With insight and intelligence she
takes the reader through her step-by-step experience of dealing, as a mother,
with child sexual assault and the U.S. legal system. Told with courage and
candor in an intimate, alive voice she reveals her journey of discovery of her
daughter's abuse and their subsequent battle for recovery. While the path
is not easy, Ms Cheryl makes us realize, if she can recover from her trauma and
challenges, then anything is possible for us as well." - Laura, RN
Kimberly Cheryl, in "Shattered Reality," recounts her traumatic experience and emotional journey after finding out her daughter had been sexually assaulted by her uncle; an uncle that was like a second parent to her immediate family. Once out in the open, she was ostracized by the uncle's family, as well as other members of the family. However, Kimberly goes on a mission, with the support of her immediate family, to expose her well-known, community-minded uncle. The author describes the long struggles with the legal system, court battles, and prosecuting attorney to no avail. The case keeps getting thrown out even though there are five witnesses as well as testimonies from authorities that her daughter is telling the truth; indeed she was sexually molested over a three-year period by this man. "Shattered Reality" contains a testimonial letter from Kimberly's daughter expressing her emotions and the outcome. It also contains statistics, signs on spotting an abused child, fact sheet, tips, and resources. Kimberly and her daughter must be commended. They took the risk and are now advocates against sexual assault of children. Kimberly's daughter volunteers in the community by helping others to overcome the traumatic experience. Kimberly herself is continuing to work for the cause and is engaged in the third round, this time a civil suit, against her uncle. Kimberly has tenacity and it shows in her writing in "Shattered Reality." The story is gripping and heart-rending. One
can't help but cheer Kimberly and her daughter on by supporting the
cause - bring to justice the perpetrator and show that sexual assault
of a child is not acceptable.
September 30, 2008
Shattered Reality
Kimberly Cheryl CreateSpace (2008) ISBN 9781440404597 Reviewed by Kam Aures for RebeccasReads (9/08)
It
was May 1st, 2007, and Kimberly was having a normal conversation with
her brother-in-law. Their discussion started out talking about a
simple school play, but then the brother-in-law's voice took on a more
serious tone as he told her that he had something important that he
needed to share with her. "He began by explaining how his mother had
approached him with a concern she had as a result of an observation
made at our birthday party. He went on to enlighten me on how she had
been coming up a stairwell and witnessed my daughter walking into the
house with her arms overflowing with presents." There were a lot of
people running around and many things going on. During this time, the
mother-in-law witnessed Uncle Jim kiss 13-year-old Tivona many times on
the neck and remarked on "how hot and sexy she looked." (p. 18)
From
this moment forward, Kimberly's life would never be the same as she
uncovered more details from her daughter about the sexual abuse that
had been taking place for three years. Following proper procedures to
report and go through the court system, Kimberly thought that justice
would be served, but that was not to be the case. She learned that "rape and sexual assault cases are the hardest felonies to convict and
therefore, the ones that the Prosecuting Attorney's don't want to
pursue." (p. 75)
"Shattered Reality" is the story of child
sexual abuse told from the mother's perspective. As one can imagine,
the struggle to deal emotionally with something as horrific as this is
terribly difficult. We watch the author as varying emotions flood
through her and watch as she attempts to pick up the pieces and help
her daughter to feel whole again. The way that the court system
handles cases such as this one is very disappointing to me. It is
ridiculous that so many child sexual abuse cases are closed without
prosecuting. The facts and figures that the author shares throughout
the course of the book are very discouraging. Our children need to be
protected, and if something doesn't change, the problem will only get
worse, especially if the abusers know that they can get away with it.
I
applaud Kimberly for putting her and her daughter's story out there and
for trying to make a difference. The statistics and resources section
at the end of the book was very informative and I will be utilizing
some of the tips to talk to my own children to try to protect them from
what appears to be a much more common crime than I was originally aware
of. Although there were some areas of the book that could have used
some editing (mainly spelling errors), for the most part, the book was
well written and the author did an excellent job at conveying her
feelings and emotions to the reader. I think this book is an important
one and that all parents should read it in an effort to increase their
overall awareness of this issue.
(9/08)