This site is about climbing the mountain of recovery from sexual abuse. It's about the struggle, the hopelessness, the hurt, the obstacles, and the joy that comes with undertaking such a transformative journey.
NOW AVAILABLE AT BARNES & NOBLE, BORDERS AND AMAZON.COM - GET YOUR COPY TODAY!
Readers of Shattered Reality
will:
Realize a
deeper understanding on the effects of child abuse not only on the victim but on the family
Learn that
hope is always within reach and others who have been there that can help
Discover how
surviving abuse (even as a parent/caregiver or family member)can become personal strength.
Gain
insights into putting the pieces back together again and reclaiming your
rights
Believe
that happiness can be achieved
With one strange twist of fate, my life was changed,,,
This morning, when I woke and saw the sun mocking me, I
realized what a National Football League running back must feel as he heads
toward the defensive line. Don't get me wrong. There isn't a three hundred and
fifty pound opponent of unnerving muscle waiting for me, but a petite and sweet
one hundred and ten pound dynamo that I call daughter. It goes to show that all
things in life aren't of the physical realm. One can get trampled and mangled
in life without once having a bruise to show. Despite recent events, deep
inside I still have hope that life isn't made only of slings and arrows. I'm
just not ready for another day to slay the dragons again. My mind ponders the
state of my life and how it has arrived at this chaotic state. Am I only moving
within "life" and in fact being operated by the vengeful and barely caring
gods? Try as I might, it seems I can only slightly alter my life's path. I
remember a time when the important thing in my life was wondering whether I
might make it through that mud puddle down the dirt road while remaining atop
my bike. I miss those days.
I rise and follow her down stairs. Picking up the paper, I
read about yesterday's football game. What a sad and depressing game it was. If
my life is anything like my favorite team, it makes me wonder at the futility
of my existence. Twelve points ahead in the fourth quarter. Then, those two
fumbles take all thought of winning right out the window.
Somewhere, somehow, I also seem to have fumbled the ball of life. I'm glad I don't have pizza left over from
that game. Who would want to finish yesterday's stale leftovers
and be reminded of how horribly games can end. To again show me what little
control I have over the small things in my life?
Never mind the large things...like Child Sexual Assault.
The sexual abuse of a child creates a devastating family
crisis. Parents want to know what to do and say to help their child but
they also want to know how to respond to and heal their own emotional
turmoil. As a parent, you need to know it's okay and natural to act with
disbelief and denial.
This is my story, a mothe's story, about the abuse of my
daughter and my struggles to over come. I thought I could trust my family
members. I thought I knew and could trust the legal system. I was wrong.
This is my journey, my lost "game", and my steps
toward recovery. Some how, some way, I hope it gives you hope for your
journey as well.
2010 Allbook Review Critic's Choice Award Winner!
A solid pick for those who are struggling to cope with these horrible tragedies, June 9, 2009
One of the most terrifying fears of a parent is for harm to come to
their child. "Shattered Reality" is an inspirational guide for parents
of sexually abused children who want to help their children heal from
the trauma of these incidents and in doing so, help themselves heal.
Encouraging parents not to blame themselves, "Shattered Reality" is a
solid pick for those who are struggling to cope with these horrible
tragedies.
4 1/2 Stars...From a Father's Perspective, March 29, 2009
By
Eric Wilson "novelist" (Nashville, TN United States) - New York Times Best Selling Author of "Fire Proof"
As a father of two teen daughters, as the husband of a woman who
endured childhood abuse, I find this subject heart-rending but vital.
So often, our society tries to quiet the voices of the victims because
of the uncomfortable repercussions within families, jobs, churches,
schools, etc.
Kimberly Cheryl brings her own heartache to the page, refusing to
be silenced. In "Shattered Reality," Cheryl pours emotion into her
words, giving us enough detail to feel her and her daughter's pain
without giving undue attention to the acts themselves. I had planned to
read this book in another month or two, after finishing a project, but
I found myself flipping through the pages, unable to pull myself away
from this candid, painful, yet ultimately insightful account. It
contains a number of editing errors, but that did not stop me from
reading through the entire thing in one sitting.
Do we find absolution in these pages? Not really. The justice
system continues to do a pitiful job of protecting the abused, with a
jaundiced male eye turned toward the perpetrators and the
"overly-emotional" mothers involved. As a father, I would find it hard
not to pick up a dull knife and end the perpetrator's possibilities of
further abuse, but of course that too is an emotional reaction. Where
do we go, though? When families and the law stand opposed to the truth,
when they try to protect the status quo at the cost of young lives, I
find myself livid.
Cheryl has opened her heart to share her own family's story. I
would've loved to hear more of the father's point of view or
involvement, but the words here are potent. The drawings done by her
daughter are also moving. If only we could look past outward
appearances and stop pointing fingers at young women and men who don't
look "acceptable," we might find that many of them are covering hurts
that go very deep.
Understandably, Cheryl says she'll never forgive. She says she'll
never forget. My wife has never forgotten either, but she would say
that forgiveness has been vital in her long-term healing, letting go of
the need to exact a penalty for wrongs done and instead holding onto a
future with men, women, and family who know how to love safely and
unconditionally.
"Shattered Reality" is not only an honest and easy-to-read account,
it contains a wealth of helpful resources at the end. It would be a
great companion piece in the literature for any who have endured abuse,
first or secondhand.
What is your worst nightmare? What would you do if it came true? How
would you deal with it, the emotions, the pain and heartache. How would
you help your loved one through the horror of a nightmare come true,
while at the same time trying to hold it together yourself? These are
the questions that the author, Kimberly Cheryl must deal with when she
discovers the horrific injustice and gift of sweet innocence being
ripped away from her cherished daughter; as she learns that someone
held dear and trusted her entire life has, has done the unspeakable to
her child.
Shattered Reality is the perfect title of Ms. Cheryl's work, as it
describes how quickly one's sense of security can be shattered to
pieces, in the blink of an eye. Sexual abuse is a very difficult and
still a "hush hush" type of problem in today's society, sadly. Ms.
Cheryl takes the subject and speaks of the story that she, her daughter
and family had to, and still has t, endure and brings it to light in a
very deep and heartfelt way. Shattered Reality is a wonderful book for
anyone who has ever experienced sexual abuse, or any type of abuse for
that matter. It lets people know that they are not alone and is
reassuring in it's honesty.
We, as parents, and myself as a mom, try so hard to keep our
children safe from harm. They are our life, our breath and our center
of being. To discover that no matter how hard we try, all the
precautions that are taken, all warnings, teachings and soul deep
desperate ways we try to keep our children safe, circumstances can
still happen to rip all of those well meaning intentions to shreds. Our
children are an extension of ourselves and when they are hurt and
betrayed, as are we. While reading Shattered Reality, I could feel the
author's pain and emotional betrayal, the heartache and sense of
desperation to make all the wrongs right again.
Shattered Reality is not an easy read, but it is one that I think
helps bring to light something that all parents should be made aware
of. I also wanted to mention that the author's daughter added her
wonderful talent to the book with her soul searching and beautiful
drawings that speak volumes with delicate pencil strokes.
Award Winning Book!, October 25, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Conversations Presents its "Top 25 Non-Fiction Titles of 2008"
Conversations Book Club is pleased to announce its "Top 25
Non-Fiction Titles of 2008". There are so many true-life accounts on
the market right now, however, these are the ones that we feel should
be on your bookshelves and centerpieces in your discussions.
(Listed in no particular order)
1. "Resilience" by Alonzo Mourning
2. "Look Me In The Eye" by John Elder Robison
3. "Maya Angelou: A Glorious Celebration" by Marcia Ann Gillespie, Rosa Johnson Butler and Richard A. Long
4. "Mississippi's Uncovered Glory" by Jerome Gentry
5. "Rollin' With Dre" by Bruce Williams
6. "Rewriting The Script" by Arlether Wilson
7. "The Express: The Ernie Davis Story" by Robert Gallagher
8. "From Pieces To Weight" by 50 Cent
9. "Prince Among Slaves" by Terry Alford
10. "Hard Times & Great Blessings" by Kenneth F. Worth
11. "War of the Bloods In My Veins" by Jiwe
12. "Shattered Reality" by Kimberly Cheryl
13. "It Never Rains In Tiger Stadium" by John Ed Bradley
14. "No Place Safe" by Kim Reid
15. "How To Wow" by Frances Cole Jones
16. "Laying Down My Burdens" by Brenda L. Thomas
17. "Escape" by Carolyn Jessop
18. "How To Get Out of Debt" by Harrine Freeman
19. "The Day I Stopped Being Pretty" by Rodney Lofton
20. "Hiding In Hiphop" by Terrance Dean
21. "Do Travel Writers Go To Hill" by Thomas Kohnstamm
22. "I Don't Want To Die All Alone" by Joseph Henderson
23. "The Enemy Between My Legs" by Stephanie L. Jones
24. "Teach With Your Heart" by Erin Gruwell
25. "Zoom Power" by Monica Carter Tagore
JOIN THE ADDICTION: Get hooked on books! http://www.thebestbookclub.info
Posted by C. A. Webb at 1:00 PM
This book very graphically brings to light a major problem in American
society that is too frequently covered up, because of the impact on the
family, and is ignored by the judicial system, because it is a family
matter. Ms. Cheryl does a wonderful job of describing the emotions and
frustrations that accompany abuse of a child. The resource material
that is included is invaluable.
It was May 1st, 2007, and Kimberly was having a normal conversation
with her brother-in-law. Their discussion started out talking about a
simple school play, but then the brother-in-law's voice took on a more
serious tone as he told her that he had something important that he
needed to share with her. "He began by explaining how his mother had
approached him with a concern she had as a result of an observation
made at our birthday party. He went on to enlighten me on how she had
been coming up a stairwell and witnessed my daughter walking into the
house with her arms overflowing with presents." There were a lot of
people running around and many things going on. During this time, the
mother-in-law witnessed Uncle Jim kiss 13-year-old Tivona many times on
the neck and remarked on "how hot and sexy she looked." (p. 18)
From this moment forward, Kimberly's life would never be the same
as she uncovered more details from her daughter about the sexual abuse
that had been taking place for three years. Following proper procedures
to report and go through the court system, Kimberly thought that
justice would be served, but that was not to be the case. She learned
that "rape and sexual assault cases are the hardest felonies to convict
and therefore, the ones that the Prosecuting Attorney's don't want to
pursue." (p. 75)
"Shattered Reality" is the story of child sexual abuse told from
the mother's perspective. As one can imagine, the struggle to deal
emotionally with something as horrific as this is terribly difficult.
We watch the author as varying emotions flood through her and watch as
she attempts to pick up the pieces and help her daughter to feel whole
again. The way that the court system handles cases such as this one is
very disappointing to me. It is ridiculous that so many child sexual
abuse cases are closed without prosecuting. The facts and figures that
the author shares throughout the course of the book are very
discouraging. Our children need to be protected, and if something
doesn't change, the problem will only get worse, especially if the
abusers know that they can get away with it.
I applaud Kimberly for putting her and her daughter's story out
there and for trying to make a difference. The statistics and resources
section at the end of the book was very informative and I will be
utilizing some of the tips to talk to my own children to try to protect
them from what appears to be a much more common crime than I was
originally aware of. Although there were some areas of the book that
could have used some editing (mainly spelling errors), for the most
part, the book was well written and the author did an excellent job at
conveying her feelings and emotions to the reader. I think this book is
an important one and that all parents should read it in an effort to
increase their overall awareness of this issue.
Kimberly Cheryl, in "Shattered Reality," recounts her traumatic
experience and emotional journey after finding out her daughter had
been sexually assaulted by her uncle; an uncle that was like a second
parent to her immediate family. Once out in the open, she was
ostracized by the uncle's family, as well as other members of the
family. However, Kimberly goes on a mission, with the support of her
immediate family, to expose her well-known, community-minded uncle.
The author describes the long struggles with the legal system,
court battles, and prosecuting attorney to no avail. The case keeps
getting thrown out even though there are five witnesses as well as
testimonies from authorities that her daughter is telling the truth;
indeed she was sexually molested over a three-year period by this man.
"Shattered Reality" contains a testimonial letter from Kimberly's
daughter expressing her emotions and the outcome. It also contains
statistics, signs on spotting an abused child, fact sheet, tips, and
resources.
Kimberly and her daughter must be commended. They took the risk and
are now advocates against sexual assault of children. Kimberly's
daughter volunteers in the community by helping others to overcome the
traumatic experience. Kimberly herself is continuing to work for the
cause and is engaged in the third round, this time a civil suit,
against her uncle.
Kimberly has tenacity and it shows in her writing in "Shattered
Reality." The story is gripping and heart-rending. One can't help but
cheer Kimberly and her daughter on by supporting the cause - bring to
justice the perpetrator and show that sexual assault of a child is not
acceptable.
Should be required reading...
I sat down to read Shattered Realit,y expecting to read it in one
sitting. I had to lay it down several times, do something, anything; I
had to move. After a deep breath, I again returned to read "Shattered
Reality."
This book brought me anger, frustration, and sadness. Kimberly
Cheryl is a courageous mother. Rather than sweeping this under the rug,
she has become an advocate for her daughter and for other victims.
Despite a few proofreading errors, I am giving this book 5 stars. I am
begging and pleading for the world to read this book. Ms. Cheryl, it is
my prayer that your family heals. I pray that this monster is taken off
the street, so that he cannot harm anyone else. Parents, grandparents,
teachers, law officers, everyone should be required to read this book.
A Must Read If You Want To Know More About Child Sexual Abuse, September 17, 2008
While it is probably true that that Shattered Reality would not have
existed had the author's daughter not been the subject of such an
appalling crime, it is irrefutable that we are all much richer for it.
Moreover, while readers may find the narrative alarming it is at the
same time very helpful.
Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse in which a child is
abused for the sexual gratification of an adult or older adolescent.
After being sexually abused, the unfortunate victim may suffer and
experience a multitude of consequences resulting of this hideous act
such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, tendency
to re-victimization in adulthood, and countless more.
What I found mind boggling, when I did a little research, was that
according to recent statistics it is estimated that 20% to 25% of women
and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children. And
these are the ones we know about or have been reported.
Most disturbing, and as frequently demonstrated, most of these
sexual offenders are generally familiar with their prey and there is a
wide array of perpetrators from neighbours, babysitters, family
friends, to relatives as fathers, grandparents, uncles, cousins, etc.
Another painful facet of this repugnant crime is that men perpetrate
most child molestation although this is not to say that women do not
commit abuse against young boys, however, percentage wise, there exists
a considerable gap between the two sexes. Many of these devious
criminals are everyday individuals who are difficult to recognize, as
they are often very intelligent and cunning.
All of this brings us to Kimberly Cheryl's Shattered Reality that
recounts the story of how her thirteen-year old daughter Tivona was the
victim of sexual molestation committed by her seventy-seven year old
grand-uncle. And what is most shocking and repulsive is that the crime
had been continuously committed over a period of three years since
Tivona was ten years old. Appalling is the fact that the perpetrator
succeeded in "grooming" his grand-niece to believe that it was their
little secret and if she did tell anyone, no one would believe her.
Furthermore, her parents wouldn't love her and her family would fall
apart because of her
We also discover that this apparently "nice and respected uncle"
had a history of molesting children as far back as fifty years when he
was twenty-four-a family secret that was kept under wraps and swept
under the rug.
There is nothing worse than having to sit beside a child in pain
and being unable to do little to help. Moreover, apart from the
physical and psychological damage that is suffered, we also have, as
pointed out in Shattered Reality, the inadequacies of our justice
system that moves at a very slow pace, and furthermore it is a crime
that no one is too eager to discuss. As the author states, "our justice
system is failing us all. The system has a habit of dumping rape and
child molestation cases." Did you know that a very high percentage of
rapists and child molesters walk the streets free while their victims
have little choice than to pursue the perpetrators within the civil law
system asking for compensation based on damages?
Offering interesting and informative insights, Shattered Reality is
a practical guide and introduction into a crime that is a reminder of
another repugnant peril at our doorstep that must be openly addressed.
Kimberly Cheryl has a good grasp of the complexities of this subject
and I fully concur with her that with low conviction rates, there is
hardly any deterrence to stop this hideous crime. Consequently, it is
crucial that we talk about it in order to protect our children and we
must as much as possible educate ourselves as well as our children.
To help us, Shattered Reality includes a very helpful chapter that
outlines the importance of early education and intervention. The book
also includes a child sexual abuse fact sheet for parents, teachers,
and other caregivers that have been developed by the National Child
Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). The fact sheet discusses child sexual
abuse myths and facts, what can you do if your child discloses that she
has been sexually abused, what is child sexual abuse and who is
sexually abused and why don't children tell about sexual abuse. In
addition, there is an extensive list of resources that are listed with
their online addresses.
Norm Goldman, Publisher & Editor of Bookpleasures
Beautiful book...thank you! , August 27, 2008
As I kept reading, I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn't MY
story but it was so close to home. The raw emotions...the hurt, anger
and betrayal. Thank you Kim for taking the time to bare your soul to
all of us. I of course am going to have any one I can read this
book...so informative. Child Sexual Abuse is such a deep and dark
secret. It's time to let the secret out. It's time to tell. Kim helps
give parents and anyone else that reads this book the tools to help
children tell. And a little bit of "you are not alone". Because this
path is so lonely for parents...so lonely...much love Kim, thank you,
hugs and prayers!!!!
